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It took two weeks to get Sebastian out on bail. Two weeks of collect calls, daily letters and a single visit through glass at the jail. A whirlwind of lawyers, moving and constant worrying filled up all of my time that I wasn’t working. He lost his job, his apartment, his reputation. His parents and I moved him out of his apartment. The place was a disaster. It was obvious there had been a struggle. The police had searched every nook and cranny, every drawer was empty and strewn about the room. We found his cell phone across the living room and under the couch, broken. It must have flown out of his hand when the tackled him to the floor. Sebastian’s roommate made a deal and decided to testify against him. I had no idea what would happen, but suddenly he was very remorseful.

Sebastian was finally saying all of the things I had ever wanted to hear. I’m sorry. I’ve been an idiot. I should have known better. You were right. I love you. I want to be with you, always. You’re the only one for me. I want a family, a life with you. I’ve learned my lesson. When I get out of here, we’ll build a future together. I want to spend the rest of my life earning your trust. Well, finally I was hearing everything I needed to hear. Finally, he was seeing the light. Things were going to be different, he was going to be different. I imagined our life together when he got home. Perfect house, two kids, a nice yard, nice cars and two people very much in love.

The lawyer was finally able to knock down the bond amount from $250,000 to $25,000 and we had him out the next day. It was decided that he would stay with David and I until we could determine how to move forward. I rushed home from work and he was waiting for me. I ran across the parking lot a jumped into his waiting arms. A flood of relief, excitement and love bolted through me. He was home. He was ok. He loved me. Everything was going to be so good now, he had learned from his mistakes. No more drugs, no more lying, no more cheating. He was a new man.

It took two weeks to for him to find a new job, a better job than he’d had before, but he had to work nights. I was working days at the hospital but was over my job and felt that I deserved something better. I found a job on the other side of town for $4/hour more than what I was making and no weekends, I took it. That meant that I left the apartment around 7:30 a.m. and didn’t come home until 6:15 p.m. He was usually out the door by 8 p.m. and not home until 6 a.m. It was hard, but we were saving money and planning on building a house soon. A few months later, we went to the mall, by the jewelry store. He asked me to try on a few rings and see if there was one I liked. I found one and to my surprise, he bought it, right there.

We walked out of the mall, bag in hand and climbed into the car. As I drove us home, he pulled the ring out of the bag and box and asked me if I was “going to put it on or what?” I laughed, is that my proposal? “Would you like me to put it on?” I asked smiling. “Well, why else did I buy it?” he said, slipping it on my left hand while I attempted to stay in the lane. Then, I guess, we were engaged. No one was surprised, but there was major concern from friends and family as to whether we were too young, too naive, too soon after the arrest. I of course listened to none of them. I am smart, determined and in love. It’s all going to be great.

During the next few months we started building a house and planning a wedding. We fought off and on about not seeing each other enough, him being on the computer every waking second, not wanting to contribute to the wedding planning at all, complaining about spending money, etc. Sometime in December I reached my breaking point. I walked up to Sebastian and just blurted out, “I can’t do this anymore. Planning a wedding is stupid. Can we just go to Vegas?” His eyes lit up, “Yes, we can do that!” In under a day we had the whole thing planned. We would go for Valentine’s Day, they were having a special, and get married at the Stratosphere on the observation deck. Neither of us had ever been to Las Vegas before, so it would be an awesome adventure. We called everyone and told them we were getting married in 1.5 months and they could come if they wanted. No one went.

I had already ordered a wedding dress but it would never arrive in time. I borrowed a red and black dress, Valentine appropriate, from my mother. I kissed David goodbye and we rushed to the airport. We were nervous, excited, terrified and relieved. Sebastian seemed more focused on gambling, walking the strip and checking out the casinos than getting married. I didn’t care about any of those things, it was finally happening. The morning of, I got ready in the bathroom, barely able to keep my hands from shaking. He paced impatiently, “We’re going to be late.” I slapped on my lipstick, grabbed the camcorder and rushed out the door.

We took the tram to the other side of the strip since we stayed on the far end. I was wearing small heels, but still heels, so the least amount of walking the better. I clung to him on the train, afraid he would suddenly bolt. As we stepped off of the tram and the doors closed behind me I realized that the camcorder was not in my hands. “Oh shit.” I said suddenly. “What?” Sebastian asked, already sounding irritated. “I left the camera on the train.” I whispered.

“What? Why would you do that?” he exclaimed at me. “I don’t know, I just forgot.” I stuttered. Sebastian went running over to the operator. They were able to radio down to the next stop and have that operator grab the camera and send it back on the return train. In under five minutes we had the camcorder back safe and sound. “Whew, you trying to get me too mad at you to get married?” Sebastian asked with a sly smile. Hmmm.

We ran the last four blocks to the Stratosphere, all the way up to the top floor and checked in. Within twenty minutes we were standing on the observation deck, overlooking the strip, surrounded by strangers being married by some random guy. The coordinator held the camera to film the “ceremony”, which ended up being drowned out by “Video Killed the Radio Star” blasting over the loud speakers. The only thing I remember during the ceremony was how flushed he was and how when he said his vows he could barely get them out, but he did and we were married. That afternoon Sebastian decided that we should celebrate by heading to the strip club, because hey we’re married now, nothing to worry about. I don’t know why I agreed, but I did. I think I wanted to show him how confident and comfortable I was, now that I was a wife.

The next day we decided to venture off the strip and were soon lost. Lost in Vegas, off the strip. Everything seemed so close and so far at the same time. In no time we were screaming at each other. It was his fault we were lost, it was my fault I didn’t know where we were. We spent two hours walking through a scary part of Vegas, him a full block ahead of me, before we finally arrived, tired and hot at the Riviera. I blurted out “Get us a cab and take me back to the hotel, now.” Once we were in the room I just started sobbing. “I cannot believe you spent two hours walking ahead of me, in a place we don’t know. I could have been robbed, taken, hurt and you wouldn’t have even known. You didn’t care about me at all.” Sebastian smiled, “Well honey I was pissed. If you’re going to piss me off, then you should know I’m not going to give a shit until I calm down.” What?

We climbed onto the plane to head home later that night. I couldn’t wait to leave this place. These were supposed to be the happiest days of my life. Getting married, was not a fairy tale but a nightmare. Nothing happened the way I pictured it. He wasn’t the way I pictured him. I knew in my gut that things were different but not at all the way I wanted them to be. Now we’re married and there’s no going back. I’d have to make this work, not matter what. It was going to be hard, but I was choosing us.

By Phoenix Reborn

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