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In working with my therapist, she recently asked me what I wanted to focus on in the next year. After some processing I responded with, “I’d like to choose healthier relationships. Not make the same mistakes.” I wasn’t necessarily meaning romantic relationships, as I have chosen many unhealthy friends and companions in the past. Friends that obviously only have time for me when it suites their schedule. Relationships where I’m doing all of the work to keep the relationship going and when I need them, they aren’t there. I have a habit of this and I’d like to stop. She suggested that I write two emotional want ads. The first being for the type of man I end up with and the second being the type of man I want to end up with. So here it goes.

Wanted: A Man Who Looks Out for #1

You know who you are! Always making sure that no one really knows all of your deep DARK secrets. Keeping people at arms length is your best skill. When you talk to people you kind of come off as a used car salesman, always talking yourself up to make sure that they understand how important and successful you are. In truth though, you aren’t successful, you aren’t important and you are always scared. You lie and cheat because you don’t know how to do anything else. You make plans but can never really pull the trigger, as you’d rather be spontaneous and careless in your decision making. You have no problem letting others do everything for you as you don’t have time to think about the small things. You are incapable of being there for anyone else as you don’t really take good care of yourself. You like material things, cars, clothes and are always perfectly groomed. You quickly lose interest in things like fads, games, books and people but always want to act like you know everything. You are looking out for #1 and why wouldn’t you, you’re great.

Wanted: Man, Friend, Partner in Life

Commonly overlooked and underappreciated for your gentle nature. You’re not as flashy as those other guys. You’d rather take the time to get to know someone before deciding if you like them. Spending time listening and conversing with someone is vital to a foundation in a relationship to you. Most people don’t understand why you have lots of girl friends and rarely have girlfriends. You have a good job that you enjoy, always looking to grow and learn and are saving up to have a nice little house in the burbs. You enjoy children and hope to one day be part of a family. You would never expect someone to kiss you on the first date because that first kiss will be magical and happen spontaneously when there is a real connection. You enjoy travel, reading, watching movies, hanging with friends and appreciate what nature has to offer. You have a healthy relationship with your family and are never jealous of what others have. “If you’re a bird, I’m a bird.”

I have got to let go of the romantic comedies view on relationships.

Ok, so that wasn’t perfect but I see what my therapist did there. I tend to be drawn to the flashy, confident (arrogant) men who seem to have it all together. They’re always cute in the obvious kind of way and don’t avoid eye contact when they catch you looking at them. This sudden zip of energy runs through you and they kind of smirk because they know you’re on the hook now. Those are the guys to avoid! I need to look for the one hanging out with his friends, not hunting for a woman to take advantage of. The one who makes eye contact with you and quickly looks embarrassed that you caught him. The sweet unassuming one who is cute, and quiet at first, never thinking that a women like you would be interested in him.

Of course I understand the need for physical attraction, that is important. I’ve tried talking to someone I wasn’t attracted to and it just never happened, but I can’t go for attraction first feelings later. There has got to be a connection on a level that means something first. I mean, I have never met a woman who regretted divorcing her last husband and doesn’t feel like she moved up. Us scarred women have figured out what we don’t want and are ready to learn from our mistakes. Right? Man, I hope so.

By Phoenix Reborn

248 Replies to “Wanted: Woman Looking for Man”

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